In abyss of eternity
by Blue Daisiess
Summary: Four years after breakup with Alec, Magnus is finally okay. With his new boyfriend. But then fate, that is a real bitch, changes everything. How far can one go to fight for his love? M rated later on.
1. Fate is a bitch

**Hello! This story was on my mind for awhile and I finally decided to do something about it. So here it is.**

**English is not my native language so I am very sorry for any mistakes. **

**Cassandra Clare owns the characters, except for Cameron. **

**Enjoy!**

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**1: Fate is a bitch**

It all began on one of the sunny August days.

No, it actually began much earlier, but that day was a start of the new chapter in my story. The story of me and Alec Lightwood, which is not finished yet and I'm not sure if it will ever be.

Now, I am sitting on the cold ground in the darkness of unknown room. Air is chilly, and I have goosebumps. I wouldn't say I'm happy at the moment, but also not given up on life. I have my target and I will follow the river of the life till the end. I don't know if it's worth it, if I won't think sometime in the future that I had lost a lot of time on wanting things, that were completely unavailable. All I know is that I can't stop now, that I will sink in the ocean of evil if it's necessary, but I have to get _him_ back. _I need him back. _

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"Maaagnusss," low, familiar voice whispered into my ear. I murmured something unclearly and turned to the other side. "Get up," said voice, not giving up on trying to wake me up.

"I don't want to," I mumbled and put the pillow over my head, hoping it will be sufficient weapon to fight with the person who was interrupting my rest.

"Come on, darling. The sun is shining, birds are singing and I am here. It sounds like a fabulous start of the day to me!"

He took my pillow away, so I couldn't hide anymore.

"Said someone who doesn't have to go for a I-don't-even-know-how-long mission with people that probably doesn't know and leave his beautiful boyfriends alone, because of being stupid and agreeing on cooperation with Clave ," I said with a heavy sight and forced myself into a sitting position.

I eyed my interlocutor. It was a man, nearly thirty, but with a look of high school student. He had nicely tanned skin and chocolate half-long hair, that was falling over his forehead. His eyes were huge and hazel, cheerful sparks were lightning them up. His body was muscled and strong. He looked like a bikini model, really. He was one of these men that girls were falling on the knees in front of.

"Stop grumbling. You will be fine, babe. They said it wouldn't take longer than a few days, right?" I nodded. "See? Now, get your pretty ass up and let's have some breakfast." He kissed me on the lips and turned to the doors. I followed him, suddenly becoming very awake.

**xXxXx**

As soon as we arrived to the building of New York Institute with my luggage (which was only one rucksack since my boyfriend decided to pack me himself and I barely even managed to convince him to stuff a bottle of glitter), we looked around searching for anyone. I was supposed to meet with people I was going on the mission with in front of the Institute, but apparently I came too early.

We sat on the low wall. He took my hand in his and started playing with my fingers. I didn't mind. I liked his touch.

My boyfriend's name was Cameron. He was a werewolf, a member of Jordan Kyle's pack since Luke Garroway was dead. We met two years ago for the first time, but I was in other relationship then. It didn't last long though. We met again a few months ago and started dating. It wasn't this kind of relationship, in which the sparks were flying around and I honestly didn't need one. It was good as it was.

I was getting through difficult times in the last four years and I was closed for things like love. And when he appeared, things weren't much different. It took him a lot of effort to get me, but he did it eventually. He brought me peace again and I was glad I met him. I didn't know if I loved him, but for sure he meant a lot to me. He almost made me completely forget about the boy with blue eyes, that was not mine anymore.

_Alec. _There was a lot of him in my mind in the last years. I haven't been in love since the end of our relationship. And maybe Cameron was the one I could give my heart to again? I found myself hoping he was.

Cameron knew about my past and about Alec. He even met him once. It was on a party few weeks ago. I presented them to each other and they talked for a moment. I was standing just next to them and observing, and I thought with surprise that it didn't hurt this much. It was the end of Alec Lightwood's era. Something new and good was coming.

No more Alec. No more this obsession.

I believed deeply, that I was cured from loving him.

Me and Alec were a sad story.

I broke up with him because of the betrayal he committed on me. It was just before The Great War. Then I forgave him. I couldn't stand that I was not able to touch him or kiss him, especially when everyone around were dying and the same could happen to us. We kind of get back together. Kind of. Because when the war ended, almost everyone Alec has ever loved was dead. Only he and his sister survived of the Lightwood's family. And he was devastated and he closed his heart. And he said that he wanted to be alone. I didn't think, I would ever agree on that.

But I did. Seeing the pain in his eyes made me agree on that. I hoped for awhile that he will come back to me one day, but I read a hidden message in his gaze. I was reminding him of the past he wanted to forget. It was over.

He was traveling around the world. Firstly alone, then his sister (who broke up with Simon because she couldn't deal with her own demons) joined him. They didn't want to keep the Institute. They wanted nothing but to be free, to not be attached to anything. There wasn't a day, I didn't spend on thinking about where he is or if he's happy.

We've met a few times since the breakup. We were sort of friends. Unfortunately, only friends. I was able to do everything for him, give him everything he wanted. I loved him more than anyone. But it wasn't possible and finally I dealt with that.

And now, it was finally okay. I was getting happier and happier every day. Cameron was making me happier and happier every day.

_Maybe someday, I will love you as much as I loved him_, I thought looking on a calm face of my boyfriend.

**xXxXx**

But then, the fate decided to tease with me one more time. Because fate is a bitch.

When doors of Institute opened, my co-workers appeared.

I saw Simon with the case for a guitar on his back. Isabelle with a huge, way too huge (which I was very envious about, I must to admit), suitcase.

And… who else could it be? Alexander Lightwood. Who looked irritatingly gorgeous.


	2. Friends

**Hello, beautiful people!  
**

**I'm back! Sorry for lateness, I had a lot to do lately ;c Than you sooo much for reviews, follows and faves! **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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**2: Friends**

„Don't you think it's a little bit awkward?," Simon asked. All rest of us looked at him with confusion. "I mean, it is weird. Here we are, cheerfully going by the train into the wildness. And not so long ago a real shit happened between us, you know."

"I wouldn't call that this way." I was surprised by hearing Alec's deep voice. "Shit happened to every Shadowhunter and Downworlder on the Earth. We… we just lost contact with each other, which often happens. And now we just have to get along again."

"It's awkward anyway…"

"Damn right, I feel like I was locked in tank with copulating herd of horses," Isabelle said. Weird silence reigned in the room till Alec spoke again.

"I don't think horses would fit in the tank…"

That was unexpected. A joke coming out of Alexander Lightwood's mouth was the last thing I could imagine to happen during this trip.

His sister threw her head back and roared with laughter. Simon and I joined her just after the first shock disappeared. Alec only smiled with satisfaction and looked out the window, calmly observing the passing meadows.

"Well, someone definitely has a better sense of humor," Simon said and grinned widely. "Okay, I have an idea. I think we should just simply talk. Tell each other about what we've been doing through all these years. We don't have anything better to do anyway, since we have to travel by train instead of using a portal. Could anybody remind me why, again?"

"Lady Midtown doesn't like magic. If we used portal, she would kick us out as soon as we knock to her doors."

"Oh, that's weird. Isn't she witch herself?"

"Yeah, she just can't accept that since… oh that's a long story," Magnus said.

"I can start." Isabelle crossed her legs and sat more comfortable on the seat. She started the story. "So, in 2008 me and Alec were all the time on the road…"

**xXxXx**

"This way, please." Old woman with gray but still very thick curly hair was leading us to our rooms. We were staying at small motel above a gas station. It was the best accommodation we could find in small town called… Well, it started with "E", that I knew for sure.

There were two double rooms and it seemed that I was going to share mine with Simon. For a moment I hoped that maybe, just maybe I will get the room with Alec. Which wasn't right. But also it was not like I was going to hop in one bed with him. I was just curious. I wanted to know something more.

In the train mainly Isabelle and Simon were talking. I said a lot too but Alec told us only a very general facts. It looked like for four years he had been traveling all the time. Sometimes we had been given some mission from Clave. And that was it. Not a word about any friends or lovers. He took a longer moment to describe the beauty of India, Australia, Japan. His eyes were shining as he was talking about the places he clearly loved and he really looked admirable at that moment.

Before I said about my relationship with Cameron I had hesitated. In the end I said a few words about him, nothing really emotional. I was looking at Alec's reaction. He smiled. He was happy for me. And somehow it bothered me. At the same time it, obviously, pleased me. But I was expecting something else. I was expecting a sad gaze or nothing at all, for sure not a smile. I guess, it just surprised me.

"So…" Alexander's voice pulled me out of my reverie." We won't do anything today, it's too late. Tomorrow at six we'll have breakfast and then we'll make a visit to lady Midtown. Okay?"

"Okay," me and Simon spoke automatically.

"Good. Then… goodnight?," he said uncertainly.

"See you tomorrow, boys," Isabelle said and she and Alec both disappeared in their room.

I looked at Simon and he looked at me.

"I feel like it's going to be fun," he announced with mysterious smile. He turned to the doors and opened them using a key.

"You think so?," I asked after he came into the room so he couldn't hear me. His words stayed in my mind and were analyzed for at least next couple of minutes.

"So, what is his name? Cameron?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend. It's Cameron, right?"

"Oh. Yeah, it is."

"You're happy with him?"

"What? What are these questions?," I spoke confused. He only shrugged. "Yes, I am happy with him," I eventually answered.

"More than you were with Alec?"

"Jesus, what is wrong with you? You can't ask people this kind of things!"

"Why not? It's just a question."

I felt like my blood with every minute was pumping more and more intensively in my veins. _Vampires!_, I thought. _They always know want should not be told and they tell you that anyway._

"I am not answering that," I roughly wrapped conversation up. We stayed in silence for another half of an hour. Simon was lying on his bed, not doing anything, just looking at the ceiling.

"I want her back."

I looked at him, surprised.

"You think you can get her back?," I asked after a moment.

"I don't know but I will try. I thought that you maybe wanted Alec back too, that's why I asked those dumb questions. But you don't, do you?"

I wanted to answer at once but words stuck in my throat. I eventually stumbled a quiet 'no' but I was so unconvincing that I made Simon turn his head in my direction and frown.

"Magnus, do you…"

"I have a boyfriend, you know. I was curing my broken heart after Alec for a really long time but I finally found someone that I feel very serious about so… no, I won't be trying to get Alec back," I said quickly.

"That's not what I asked."

"What? Then what did you…"

"I asked if you want him back, not if you will try to get him back," he answered simply and I felt weird. I froze. Numbness covered my body. I wasn't ready for this conversation. Not with Simon, not with anybody. "Magnus, do you want Alec back?"

I couldn't think of any answer. Or rather, no answer seemed right. Neither _I do_ nor _I don't_ was true.

"I think I need some fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I didn't look in his way but I knew that this silence was a quite permission.

**xXxXx**

Motel was very small but I found it troublesome to find a balcony that old woman showed us about twenty minutes earlier. I even stepped into the closet (what an irony!) on the end of dark hallway and made a lot of noise as brushes and hell-knows-what-other-shit fell making a loud rumble.

I was going to give up and come back to my room when I saw a familiar portrait of fat gentleman in a very tasteless hat. I was feeling sorry for a man for his horrible style for another minute and then I turned left and saw fading curtain that was undulating because of the lightly breeze. I slowly moved forward, surprised of someone else's obvious presence.

I think I had known even before I opened the curtain. I might have smelled his sweet perfume, or felt his transcendental aura on my skin. And when I went out on the balcony, he was standing by the balustrade. He must have heard me already but he turned his head in my direction after a few moments that seemed to be the longest ones in my life.

My heart was pounding in a normal tempo. It just felt odd. To face him. Having all this long story behind us, heavy baggage of experience.

His eyes wasn't telling me anything. I used to read in them so easily but things have apparently changed. In some way this fact was hurting me.

"Couldn't sleep?" His voice was as soft as I remembered. I didn't notice that before.

"Yeah, I guess so. You?"

"Same."

I came to the balustrade and leaned my elbows on it. I looked at the darkness below and placed my gaze on blurry, gleaming neon name of some bar on the other side of the street.

"Magnus," Alec started, sounding like he wasn't really sure what he was going to say. "I know that things had happened between us in the past and it's weird right now." He took a deep breath. "But I would like to start again." My heart stopped on that. And didn't move even after Alec added: "Being friends with you, I mean."

I was staring at him, shamelessly and possessively. And he clearly started being very uncomfortable with my gaze focused on him. He lowered his head and he was looking at anything but not me.

"Okay," I heard my own voice, though it sounded strangely.

"Okay?" He looked surprised. After a short while he recovered.

And there it was. The smile. Wide, a bit wild smile which was showing his straight white teeth. The smile that lighted his eyes and made his cheeks blush. The smile so rare and precious. The smile that that I used to love.

_The smile that I still love_, I couldn't stop the thought.

And that was the moment when I realized how difficult it would be to work with him. Seeing that after not even a one full day, he already made me forget about the life I had built without him.


End file.
